Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Absence makes the brain grow duller


This blog was intended to be a fresh start for me. A way to stimulate my creative side. So far it has been a spectacular failure. I have not once written about any of the "interesting" films I have seen since my last post in late January. I have made no progress whatsoever on my creative writing course. I have not managed to write more than a few pages of anything to contribute to a single one of the many "ideas to flesh-out" that reside in the small spiral bound notebook that now rarely leaves my desk.

It seems as though I have fallen foul of my tendency to daydream yet again. This habit has seemingly played a substantial part in most of the major decisions in my life up until this point. It constantly annoys me that I tend to picture my perfect vision of some situation and that, in comparison, reality always proves a disappointment. This trait of mine was exactly what led me to study engineering. I had the image in my head of being a hot-shot designer, living in comfort and spending my weekends flying my very own little aeroplane. Unfortunately that plane and the bubble in which it lived didn't stand a chance when up against the reality that I had a less than satisfactory grasp of the subject matter required to go far in the field of Aero Engineering.

Although I always had a better understanding of words over numbers I am beginning to fear that I am trapped in some sort of human hysteresis loop in which the correct course of action will always lag behind my misjudged decisions. I am sure I could probably have provided a better analogy than that, but it is after four in the morning and it is entirely possible that none of the above will make sense anyway. Sometimes it is nice to have a rant.

Maybe one day I will pull my finger out and stop complaining, until then I shall remain a happy-pessimist. A contradiction in terms. A lazy sod.